Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I recently re-received my HIST 120 Blue Book, this time with a grade: 50 out of 50. Some may say I earned 100% by accurately describing the historical significance of terms such as Thalassocracy, Thermopylae, or Thucydides, but I know better. It was the extra term.


DMack is a term derived from a legendary American, David Mack. David, who perished in a gunfight in 2081, was especially known for being loved by the ladies. To this day, the term DMack, when used as an adjective, means, "one who is loved by many females." It can also be a verb, in which case it has a slightly different meaning. To "DMack" someone is to make them experience a QL...

There are five share-holders of the West Whitman Estate, but just four associated pairs.

1. Cody and Jacqueline
2. Phil and Abigail
3. Tommy and Tinky Winky
4. David and Alban

Nuf said.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Poison Clinics

Spring-like weather outside is bringing the House to life, or bringing things to life outside the House and they're sneaking in through the floorboards. Whatever the case, THERE ARE ANTS IN OUR HOUSE. Those blurry little black objects in the picture are none other than the elemental-acts-of-God themselves. (Anyone remember Leiningen versus the Ants from high school? Its a short story of a proud plantation owner defending his turf from a blood-thirsty colony of migrant ants.) Although there are several differences between Leiningen's situation and ours, three things are unchanged: ants inherent desire to infiltrate and destroy, man's inherent desire to fight, and ... actually, two parallels was a stretch, three would be silly.

Our first line of defense: ant baits. When these weapons first arrived Jacque referred to them as "little ant houses," Cody called them "poison clinics." Both names have some truth. The term "ant house" is misleading; the baits are like ant houses in the sense that they're structures made specially for ants, but unlike a house, these units are not designed for ants to live in them. The term "poison clinics" is a bit cruel; they're kind of like poison clinics in the sense that they are full of poison, but 'clinic' sounds so Hitler – opposed to the Treaties of Versailles somehow.

Exterminating one of God's creatures might be difficult for some people to agree with regardless of the method or mode. Please don't misunderstand, I've watched the Discovery Channel as much as any Adventist kid growing up; and I've seen Dream Work's real-life documentary Antz. I would be woefully amiss if I didn't say ants have hopes and dreams like every other insect, including us. But when someone comes into your house uninvited and starts carrying off the crumbs from your kitchen counter to their queen and all her sons, lethal force is the only solution.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Rumination on VD

Cody and I were living in the living room this morning, solving all the world's problems. And we turned our attention from the economy to gun control, and then to Valentines Day.

Valentines Day is a perplexing problem. It seems like no one benefits from it. Men spend large amounts of money trying to impress women so that they can get something they could probably have gotten for free if they would have just waited a few days. The women have it even worse. I would assert that probably over half of all women spend Valentines alone. Another large percentage experience a less than amazing evening with their single-minded mates. Only a sliver of the pie actually get what they want and that sliver has to suppress the lingering feeling that their counterpart has an agenda.

Our conclusion was that the only people who thought it out were Hallmark.

We think that it would be best to avoid celebrating VD.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Day and Night

As I was searching Bible Gateway, keyword "drunk," limited to the Epistles, the first result was Romans 13:13.

Let us behave decently, as in the daytime,
not in orgies and drunkenness,
not in sexual immorality and debauchery,
not in dissension and jealousy.

It caught David's eye, as only some things can; he thought it would be a good motto for the Estate.

I'm not sure, I think such a motto would invite unsubstantiated assumptions by outsiders. Not to mention it would imply a misleading distinction between daytime and nighttime activities at the House ... as if there's a difference.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Karlan Whips Out the Fuzzy Buzzard

The above represent true events that transpired at Karlan's Birthday celebration. It also reflects the intense jealously that Cody feels towards the anti-seminal relationship that Alban and I intensely enjoy.


Tommy asked me if we should go to the Olympics next weekend. We decided that the recipe for disaster is the same as the recipe for a super-ultra-mega-pimp adventure; it all depends on the freshness of the ingredients.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Donkey Shun

Senior Recognition Chapel was the little scroll of Revelation – sweet in the mouth, bitter in the stomach. It made me proud to see David, Phil, and Cody fitted in their graduation regalia. They're on their way out. In a few months they'll be kicking this donkey (college) that has been kicking their donkey (backside) for the past 4 plus years. "UH!" That's sweet.

The bitter part of "looking proleptically towards the future," as John McVay put it, is that that means that's it. The dynamic will change. This house, this year, with these people, with our missing cheese grater, will never happen again. "uh." That's bitter.

But it's not over yet. And in these few minutes before graduation – before David, Phil, and Cody do the walk, symbolically mooning academia and ginger snap cookies – in these few minutes we'll follow the advice of Herbert Finman.

"Don't get caught in a tussle
with your seat buckle off.
As long as there's water there's a chance ...
and the if you want to swim you'll have to get wet.
The only way to feel a field is barefoot,
and you can't experience silence listening to a sound mind.
Some die rich, some die trying
'Fifty cent is the shit!'
Dreams are your floatees,
Wear them even if people make fun of you for being an adult with floatees
(unless you can swim without them).
Ha I'm just kidding,
or am I?
And play Carte Bang a bunch."

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Dinner's Ready Ya'll!

We value community. We also value food. Therefore every week we have family dinner. So far we've plated everything from Pizza to Chicken n' Dumplins to Fettucini to Taqueria.

This little doozy was the center of last weeks devotion. Taco meets Haystack meets Enchilada Sauce makes Texan Enchilada. Google cookbook lists them under "D-Lish." That's a joke. But seriously, they're good ... even Cody liked them.