Thursday, December 16, 2010

Long Time Coming

It started last year when Beth—accomplished bread maker, librarian, and Alban's mother—sponsored the Estate members with some shirts. "Five Guys" is a local burger jo'nt that Alban and his hometown homies patron back in Hagerstown Maryland; "five guys" is also the living composition at the Estate, at least it was last year. Beth, noting this aggressive coincidence, bought "Five Guys" signature tees for each of the tenants.

It continued through the spring, at which time it's not unusual to find the Estate members stoking coals in a stationary BBQ at Whitman Mission on the weekend. One sunny Sabbath afternoon we decided to barbecue in style. We wore our shirts and Jacque took some pictures.

It continued later that spring when Philip Sherwood visited the house for a couple weeks. He wanted to leave a gift as a token of gratitude so he had one of the pictures printed on a 3.5' x 2' canvas.

Finally, after the printed picture sat coiled in a cardboard container all quarter long ... waiting, Martha Mason finished the job by mounting the internal frame last Monday. Now it hangs on the wall as an iconic tribute to mustaches and men who like their burger with one or more pounds of real meat.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Thanksgiving. WA to MD 41 hours.

Alban checks for deer while Alex is on his knees.

Alban is feeling peaceful, but Kate is suspicious.

Now Tommy is feeling peaceful, and Alex isn't sure what's going on, however Kate doesn't mind.

Our whole bodies fit under the sign.

Alban "Four hundered miles of prime deer country, here we go."
Alex "Home of Arbor day? Seriously?"

Iowa didn't have a state sign; Alban and Alex are put off.

Alban sees a wild deer. Tommy thought the camera broke, but Alex just woke up.

Alban is wary of deer. Alex doesn't care.

Tommy, Alex, and Alban stood on the shoulder here.

Alex is happy to piggy back; Alban is pretending to be annoyed.

Tommy thought everyone was smiling.

Alex "Wait, you're saying we're in Maryland?"
Alban "Dude, I bet those woods are teaming with deer? They're out to get us man. (mumbled whisper) The deer are gonna get us. The deer are gonna get us. The deer are gonna get us."
Tommy "Huuuu."

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Famous Titles for 200

If there's a better way to start a Sabbath morning, i haven't found it.

Getting up at terrible hours to text Alban and watch Arsenal games, while eating bagels covered in asiago cheese is defiantly the highlight of my law school life... it ranked pretty high during my non-law school life as well.

Living at The Estate taught me the best way to do a lot of things.

The best way to blow off steam is to slam guitars and yell with Tommy. The best way to go on long bike rides is with Phil. The best way to get under an administrator's skin is with Cody. The best way to pick up girls is with the song Alban and I prepared and never got to use... but I guarantee that there are a couple girls out there that won't stand a chance when we bust that thing out. QLO's baby.

Oh, and the best way to eat anything is after Jacque bakes it...

I'm grateful for all of these lessons. Now i must go learn the best way to file a civil lawsuit, draft a deed, and discern the meaning of a vague contract... gross.

Also, Nikolas and I have a christmas tree...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Fun at Family Time

Family is sacred at the Estate. Once a week, each and every week, we take off our backpacks and spend a couple hours getting lost in community. The conversations that fly above chopped onion and minced garlic often follow a routine small-talk sort of flight pattern, but at times they venture into the closet. That's what happened a couple weeks ago, listen:

Alimo: When you guys get married ...


... are you going to do it?

[Pause] we were confused and waited for more clarification.

Alimo: Somewhere special?

[Pause] This kind of comment, with its more erotic connotation, is unusual for Alimo to make.

Alimo: I was just talking to my friend and she ...

Aliali: Wait, what are you talking about?

Alimo: ... and she just got married in Hawaii.

Aliali: Wow, easy now.

Jonahmed: Oh, do you mean, "would we get married in a special place?"

Alimo: Yeah, what did you think I meant?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Getting political action ...

while Cody is away has come as a bit of a surprise. Through a series of religiously charged decisions, The Estate has found itself in a controversial bubble bath. The party responsible for filling the tub has yet to be determined, but here are the facts: one, it is what it is. Two, The Mask censored our mask photos earlier this year. Three, David and Cody wrote an opinion article about it entitled "University administration narrowly prevents terror attack."

Four, Anonymous responded with an article entitled "Mask photo censorship a wise decision."

Five, the current 'politically incorrect' members of The Estate were featured on Brendan's Backtalk like this.

Six, our children's rap last weekend at OPS Amateur Hour, which featured drums and referenced Snoop Dog, inspired several members of the audience to go home early.

Cody, we're not doing this on purpose. It's not as if we said, "Op, Cody's gone, wouldn't it be funny if ...."

Monday, November 8, 2010

Da Werd is back

Da Werd took the stage after a sabbatical year. Above is the intro video that Jordan put together to prime the performance pump.

We hope to have a recording out by Christmas, but if you're up for a rough taste of what it went like, Brenden Rajah recorded it on his iPhone and posted it on Facebook. Check it.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Empty house

Since the house has been left sole to me for the weekend (Jon has obligations elsewhere), I feel it's my duty to give an update on the estate. It will also begin my Tickle Closet career.

Today is a very gloomy Sabbath day. It's definitely the fall, so I thought it appropriate to cook pumpkin pancakes this morning. Although I made quite a mess and didn't produce the most dynamite pancakes, Nolan and Justin were pleased. Then I ventured over to the awakening to hear about legalism and lust.
Since then I've played the guitar, watched some camp videos, and will soon call some family members. Sabbath always reminds me of whats important. Although tonight I plan to study about carbons and the bonds they make with other atoms, I reflect now on the ever important bonds between family and friends. I'm blessed to have been brought into the estate -- a place with family dinners, foosball/ping pong/baggo tournaments, and quality people like Ali Aliban, Ali Jonahmed, and Ali Bin Tomar. I love you brothers.

Fellow Tickle Closet readers,

I hope you enjoy the fall weather, eat some pumpkin pancakes, avoid legalism and lust, but most importantly--I hope you strengthen some bonds.

Monday, October 25, 2010

David + Taylor = Musical Gratification

I posted notice a few months ago when i found out that Taylor had picked a release date for her newest album. Well, that day has finally arrived. If you were excited as i was, you woke up at 6 and bought it on iTunes. After a few times through i have a few song recommendations.

Instant classics: Mine, Back to December, Dear John, Never Grow Up, Innocent, Long Live.

I promise this will be my last Taylor related post, until the wedding announcement...

Thursday, October 14, 2010


Today I was reminded of West Whitman Estate alumni, especially two of them. While I was sitting in Monte Buell's office, the topic of "sexting" was brought up in conversation. (Sexting: A term used to describe a wide range of media communication from passively being texted by a member of the opposite gender to phone-sex). The term "sexting" has grown in popularity since its conception. "I think it was even printed in the Collegian last year," Dr. Buell remarked. I don't remember who to thank for that publication, but I think it's safe to assume it was a fruit that grew as a result of a cross pollination, if not direct contact, with a member, or members, from the Estate. Cutting edge literature of this sort, fathered by the unique culture of the TC, was commonplace during the 09-10 school year. It often led to confusion and or disgust with the average trying-to-live-a-somewhat-clean-minded-and-appropriate-lifestyle kind of person. It was also censored form time to time.

Also and furthermore, censorship has once again been the topic of discussion around the dirty dishes. Apparently Christians dressed as Middle Easterners quoting the Koran is too much for an ASWWU publication at this time.

Z pattern starting in bottom right: Tommy, Jon, Alban, Jordan.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Third Time's the Charm?

You'd think that a university would know better than to issue parking tickets to law school students who are itching for a chance to put their newly acquired skills to use... So far i'm 3 for 3 on ticket appeals.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


I ran into Chad. Chad from Senate two years ago. This little descriptive tidbit took me a bit to remember - for a few minutes he was just Chad from someplace sometime.

Chad's first words to me were, "Oh, I didn't recognize you. You look older with that mustache."

Aww yeah.

Monday, October 4, 2010

The boys are back in town.

Starting in the top right (or left) and moving like a Z, Ali Bin Tomar, Ali Mojordan, Ali Jonahmed, Ali Aliban. This year The West Whitman Estate is proud to be bringing back beduin in a new-school meets old-school and asks her on a date sort of way.

"Assalam o alaikum."

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The New Guys

The new kids come from the South, not the "Dirty South" but south of Walla Walla at least. Jon, a certified Dragon Slayer in the islands of Kirkagoosh, recently watched a movie. He also likes the Goo Goo dolls. Jordan, lead melodicist for "Jazz all the Time," recently made a movie. These two are a tasty blend of talents and virtues that will no doubt contribute to the palatability of the Tickle Closet. We're looking forward to their contribution to the writhing mass of world changing discussion that happens on this blog.

Sunday, September 19, 2010


Can you see it?

Can you see the majestic white hump

waiting quietly in the dead grass?

... ever ready ...

Hunkered down and poised like a lioness

in the wilds.

... ever ready ...

Look there the blinds, as if it’s waking, or winking, or ... thinking.

It knows.

It knows school is about to start. It knows they’re coming back.

She waits quietly in the dead grass.

... ever ready ...

It sees you.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Law School Update

This Blog comes with a content warning. As of yet no one has really made use of it. I'm about to try.

So, i just finished my fourth week of law school. There has been some adjusting, but to this point it has pretty much been everything i heard it would be. Mountains of reading and briefing that culminate in an extremely intelligent professor bringing Socrates to life in a way you never hoped anyone would.

I've sat through lectures that have included topics ranging from the incarceration of American citizens to whether or not you can interpret a "public morals" statute to include masturbation in a porn shop. Other topics have included how to prepare an elderly jury member to hear what a "bad motherfucker" the victim was to the fact that a spouse can sue for "loss of consortium," which basically amounts to the loss of the benefits of a relationship. I'll let you figure out which part of the supposed "benefits" came up in class.

However, it hasn't been all bad. Not that those parts were bad, i suppose they were sort of necessary to know.

There have been some nice surprises as well. If anyone would have told me before i started that i could get fired up about The Federal Rules of Civil Procedure and Contract Law, i probably would have just smiled and put my ear buds back in.

Another part of life in law school has been the box i've been trying to reconstruct.

I spent the majority of my time at WWU trying to push on the edges of the box. It was easy to push because there was always something on the other side of the wall pushing back. It almost felt like it was cool to push on the wall, or it was what i was supposed to do. Now that i've left WW and moved to Seattle, it seems like i finally succeeded in pushing the wall down and now i can see that there isn't anything on the other side. Now, instead of pushing on the wall, i find myself trying to reconstruct a box that i can be comfortable inside of.

I guess i didn't really try very hard to legitimize the content warning... I'll do better next time.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Musical Perfection

I know that all of you have been waiting on edge for this moment, so i thought i would just announce it here.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Word Cloud

Despite David thinking he has been the center of attention, this word cloud of our blog tells a different story.

Monday, July 26, 2010


I woke up this morning at 7, ready to start another mathematical week with 40 energetic freshmen. One shower, two pieces of toast, a mug of coffee, and a lovely packed lunch later, the phone rang.

"The power is still out all along 29," Mr. Daniels voice cheerfully related. "Traffic is terrible - we're canceling for the day."

Jenny is giving me a question-mark look. "No school!" I say. We're not sure what to do with ourselves.

And then it hits us: Evan doesn't have to leave for Hillwood for another hour. What should three logical people do with an early-morning hour? Play Dominion. Done.

Summer is an interesting thing - three summers ago I was sailing on Hayden lake. Two summers ago I was eating goat-ass rice in Mongolia. Last summer I was directing clinics in Ethiopia. And this summer I saw a crazy-as tornado.

It's safe to say I was scared $*&!less. David just laughed. But then again, I'm not afraid of daddy-long-legs.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Bras, Babies, and Toys R’ Us…

Yesterday evening, those of us living at the Howe’s house had a conversation about the different generational meanings of derogatory words such as “jerk” and “tool.” It wasn’t difficult to arrive at an accepted definition of a jerk, but tool proved a little more difficult. We thought maybe it meant that someone was “purposely annoying” or simply rather “useless.” I would like to submit my actions in the following story as a possible definition…

Like many amusing actions, I don’t recall exactly why we chose to do this, but we did. After a group conversation about sending large amounts of spam to a certain teacher, Cody and I decided that “Spam 2.0” would be a good idea. After an initial failed attempt… we settled on signing Alban up for some mail. We started with some nice companies like Chadwick’s, Toys R’ Us, Baby Gap, but we quickly matured into the old high school standby, Victoria's Secret.

It was pretty amusing when magazines and emails began to arrive for “Mr. Alban Howe” that displayed everything from breakthroughs in “under wire technology” to the latest in middle-aged women’s fashion. However the real treat was listening to Alban try to explain why he had been singled out. “It’s probably because my name is on the bills…” Phil helpfully suggested that it might be because Alban had a Safeway card. Cody and I smiled and agreed… “yeah, that’s probably it.”

We had planned to tell him about our questionable actions but then we got greedy. We decided to just let it go. Then later in the school year, his spam problem was featured on the Backside of the Collegian.

The funny part wasn’t so much the actual spam as much as it was having a secret. They say that secrets don’t make friends, let’s just hope they don’t unmake them…

At this point “Spam 2.0” had become too big to end it by simply giving ourselves up. Cody and I tried to think of a way to end the experiment and never could quite think of a satisfactory course of action.

I suppose this is just about as good a way as any…

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Taylor Swift

Random Radio DJ: "If you're a tween or a teen, that was Taylor Swift and we've gotta concert comin' up..."

Since the assumption among radio DJs is that Taylor Swift fans are either tweens or teens, David can officially be ridiculed for his devotion to said artist.

Monday, July 12, 2010

The time Alban had something burning in his room!

Ear candles are strange (potentially dangerous, cultish, not doctor recommended, silly, etc.) things that people like Tommy use. And when I say people like Tommy, I mean people with excessive ear wax. Supposedly when you burn these candles in your ears, it softens the wax (in your ears, but also the candle wax too) and draws it out. Tommy pulled this stunt once before (four years ago), but decided to try it again. I think it was because he was getting as hard of hearing as Phil.

While working on something important in the back of the house, David and I smelled birthday candles. Venturing into the front of the house, we found Tommy frantically clutching a smoking candle to his ear. I instantly realized he was having one of his "episodes" and decided to get my camera.

As you can see from the picture, Tommy apparently collapsed between the living room and the entryway. We decided to move him to Alban's room where we closed all the windows and shut the door while Tommy continued to stick his burning candle in his ear.

After forty-five minutes or so, we decided Alban's room had seen enough (we determined this by waiting until we couldn't stand upright in the room and instead had to lie on the floor to breath). A little while later Tommy regained coherence and abandoned the ear candle idea.

When Alban came home a little while later, he walked whistling to his room.

In the aftermath, it seemed strange to me that Alban never checked for something burning in his room. His bedding could have spontaneously combusted or something. But then, I would have probably instantly assumed it was David's fault too.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Karma Police

When i first imagined this blog post, it was with pleasure.

Saturday night, at Tommy's request, i agreed to drive a couple of friends from Clarkston up into the Mill Creek Watershed so they could go looking for antlers. In order to get to the starting point by dawn we needed to leave the Estate by 4:00am. I wasn't really what kind of people go out at 4 in the morning to find antlers but if they were friends of Tommy, they couldn't be that bad. ( I found out later that they call themselves "Horn Nuts")

On the way up we talked about Women, Law, and Bigfoot sightings. The ride was enjoyable and the view from the hill was fantastic. My plan was to return home, ruminate on my experience, and write something profound about preconceived ideas...

Then i got stuck.

On the way down the mountain i slid in some snow and ended up with my front right tire totally submerged in compact, crunchy, slush-snow and the other three spinning like hamster wheels in a vacuum. It happened to be in the same spot that the guys had shown me bear scratchings and wolf tracks. I spent the next six hours playing phone tag with Tommy, Alban, Phil, My Parents, and the Cops. I'll let you guess which of those options was the least helpful. After trying to dig out with a rock, I was finally saved by a couple bearded men with a huge Ford truck who were just "out for a drive."

I'm not really sure what the moral of this story is. Maybe it's that Karma doesn't really exist and sometimes you get screwed when you try to do nice things. Or that the police really are nearly worthless.

The story is funnier if you hear it in person, i promise.

Friday, May 28, 2010

The pathfinder law is for me to ...

I remember in 1080p clarity an image from my childhood. I suppose that's not too unusual, except that it's not an image of something I actually saw but of something I imagined. In Sabbath school one morning I recall imagining an image of a dark blue soft-bound bible sitting on a dark shelf covered in dust and cobwebs. Every once in a while that image comes to my mind, usually when I think of neglect – the state in which this blog has been for several weeks.

Why the Pathfinder logo? For some reason, whenever that image would show up in my thinking, I would immediately attach it to a tenant of the Pathfinder law. But I just realized it doesn't really fit. The Pathfinder Law is for me to ...

do my honest part
care for my body
keep a level eye
be courteous and obedient
walk softly in the sanctuary
keep a song in my heart
and go on God's errands

nope, nothing there about neglect, but I'm as sure snake skin that a Pathfinder wouldn't neglect his communal blog, and I think it's time someone add that to the Pathfinder Law.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Hannah Montana Suffers Major Setback

A month ago David and Alban announced that Mylie Cyrus was off their list of eligible starlets. The main cause of her topple from on-high (besides her under-age status) was her poor showing on American Idol. While some have claimed that her pole dancing at the Teen Choice Awards gave Mylie extra consideration, David and Alban have chosen to show her no mercy. This may be more significant than you think. Without Mylie Cyrus providing ample distraction, David might actually start pursuing Taylor Swift. Alban, on the other hand, could get caught up by some indie musician and might actually obtain access.

Lest our speculations get out of hand, let me provide some solace. Though interpretations of this development have been wild and varied, all this talk seems to be empty bloviation since David and Tommy still refuse to remove the combination Mylie Cyrus/Hannah Montana poster in their bathroom.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I had to write a wedding homily for class...

(This is the first part of that homily.)

David ... Ansley, this is it. Your special day. I’d like to encourage you to take a moment to let it soak in. All the hard work and the pictures and the stress let it fade for this moment, and try to enjoy yourself.

Let me begin with a short story. Once upon a time, there was a young girl and young boy who fell in love and decided to get married. This story should sound familiar because first it’s generic, and secondly because it’s your story, and it’s been a engaging story so far.

For those of you among friends and family who haven’t kept up on the courtship, David and Ansley have asked me to share a couple of stories. The story of when they first met is somewhat unique because it is also the story of their first date. The two were set up by David’s good friend Alban, who happens to be Ansley’s brother. Alban, being the loving friend and brother that he is, arranged everything, even arranged for a limo to pick them up and drive them to dinner. Although they weren’t given all the details of the evening’s itinerary, they were assured there was going to be a fancy meal and fun activities. When their ride stopped in front of Chucky Cheese’s David and Ansley were a little confused, but their driver insisted a table was reserved for them inside. Like penguins in a puppy kennel, the two, dressed to the hilt, felt a bit out of place but managed to make it work and have a good time. That somewhat awkward beginning began a steady habit of time spent together.

Everyone realized things were getting serious when David bought Ansley a special gift for her birthday. Ask David and he will tell you in thorough detail the brain-energy he put into this gift: a leather bound copy of his senior history paper about the Roosevelt Corollary to the Monroe Doctrine. Ansley says she was speechless.

It has been a unique humor-filled journey, that has led these two to this point today.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Like a Cheap Fiddle...

Last Tuesday, two members of the estate were treated to a master-course in Machiavellian Dating Tactics.

Alban and Tommy were able to get their grubbily little hands on some free symphony tickets courtesy of Alexander the Great. Next, they cleverly decided that they would find each other dates to the symphony because they are both too chicken to get their own. Tommy, upon advice of council, called Jenny Sloop and was able to convince her to be Alban's date.

The day of the symphony, Alban decided it was time to find Tommy's musical counterpart. In a fortuitous twist of fate, the gods smiled upon humanity and sent the muse of awesomeness to impregnate Alban's mind. After conception, he also called Jenny Sloop and left her a message asking her to be Tommy's date. This is where Jenny's true genius shines through.

Immediately realizing what had happened, she quickly accepted Alban's request without revealing the rest of her devious design.

The night of the symphony, as Alban and Tommy began to nervously wonder who their male companions had chosen to temporarily replace them, they began to exchange information.

Alban: " Hey Tommy, where do we need to pick my date up at?"
Tommy, revealing his choice: "We need to pick Jenny Sloop up from the dorm."
Alban, clearly confused and wondering if Tommy had discovered who he had chosen for him: "For you?"
Tommy: "No... for you."
Alban: "What?"
(Tommy and Alban turn and look at David, who says nothing but widens his eyes)
Tommy to Alban: "Did you?"
Alban: "Yup... did you?"
Tommy: "Yup..."
(David and Cody laugh uncontrollably in highly pitched fits)

This situation reveals a few things, but most importantly it sheds light upon the obvious quality of Jenny Sloop. First, it appears that both Tommy and Alban may have suppressed feelings for her, which explains why they both quickly accepted her as the first choice for their male counterparts. Second, it appears that David has a ridiculous laugh. Third, and most importantly, it reveals the genius and quality of Jenny.

Not only was she first in the minds of two of WWU's most eligible men on campus, but she also had the mental agility to play them off of each other like cheap fiddles without skipping a beat. Speaking of Jenny Sloop, where's my cell phone...

Sunday, April 11, 2010


All members of The Estate journeyed to Seattle to experience Muse live in color at the Key Arena. Nothing resounds solidarity like 20 thousand people screaming lawless lyrics with their fists in the air. The pit was about as wild as you'd expect at a legitimate rock concert mosh-pit to be – at least it looked that way from where we were sitting.

David thinks Muse is Cody's soul music because it's loud and anti-establishment. I think David could be on to something.

The performance was "off the chain," as Alban says; the musicians metaphorically brought the house down. Actually, near the end of the set, a trunk load of balloons, roughly 4 feet in diameter, printed to look like giant eyeballs, came down from the rafters. Inside the white, semi-translucent balls, red graffiti made it look like blood was splashing inside the eye's as the balls bounced across the floor audience. After the encore, a girl two seats down from me, in a religious frenzy, started screaming with all of her being ... and kept screaming .... and kept screaming ... 2 minutes, no joke. She was saying what we were all thinking.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Booger Foul

(Notice: no picture due to the graphic nature of this post.)

I'm busy making black boogers. All day long, that's what I do, I mean, that's what I'm doing. Sure I'm chopping, trimming, raking, tarping, dumping, sweeping, etc. but that's all sand in my noyster. And every evening in the shower, with the aid of a Iranian water inhalation ceremony, out come the pearls ... black and beautiful. Sometimes I wonder what boogers the other estate-members/dirty-ponchos are making this break. I'd guess

David's making sun-burn boogers – flakey, red, hard.
Cody's making book boogers – sterile.
Alban's making the same boogers George Washington made – Alban'd have to tell you what they're like, he and G-Wash are boos.
Phil's making janitorial boogers – think "vacuum-bag contents" ... in a booger.

It's the truth, and the truth isn't always pretty. But if blogs aren't willing to call it as it's played then they shouldn't be reffing – black, white, salty.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Cherry Pie

David got into Law school.

So when it came time for family dinner this week, I gave him a call from the grocery store.

David, attempting to sound bored: What?
Alban: What's your favorite dessert?
David: Cherry pie.
Alban: Ha ha ha ha. Stop joking. Nobody likes cherry pie.
Cody, simultaneously in background: What? Cherry pie? Nobody likes cherry pie!
David, deadpan: I like cherry pie.
Tommy, to Alban: Tell him to try again.
Alban, to David: Nope. Try again.
David, becoming annoyed: Seriously, I like cherry pie.
Alban: How about ice cream cake?
Cody, in background: Yes! He likes that!
David, simultaneously on phone: No, ice cream cake is gross.
Alban, to Tommy: Do you like cherry pie?
Tommy: Nobody likes cherry pie.

Later, at home.

Phil: What's this?
Alban: Cherry pie.
Phil, making a "what is that funky smell" face: Ugh. Nobody likes cherry pie.

Friday, March 5, 2010

from Wall through Hamper to Blog

There is a creature in our house,
it watches while we're sleeping.
And sometimes when we we're gone to class,
I think it might start creeping

around our beds and bathrooms
and through our dirty clothes,
but exactly who this creature is,
none of us really knows.

David thinks its friendly;
Cody thinks its not.
Alban claims "It's our neighbors cat,"
and Phil said that he caught

a piece of its genetics
in a petrie dish he grew.
He said "It is perhaps either
a monster, or a shrew."

But I am still a skeptic,
about high-tech reliance,
and about the critter in our house
being defined by science.

I think it's far too smart for that,
I think it's far too clever,
I think it's Tinky Winky (just
disguised) in tight black leather.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I recently re-received my HIST 120 Blue Book, this time with a grade: 50 out of 50. Some may say I earned 100% by accurately describing the historical significance of terms such as Thalassocracy, Thermopylae, or Thucydides, but I know better. It was the extra term.


DMack is a term derived from a legendary American, David Mack. David, who perished in a gunfight in 2081, was especially known for being loved by the ladies. To this day, the term DMack, when used as an adjective, means, "one who is loved by many females." It can also be a verb, in which case it has a slightly different meaning. To "DMack" someone is to make them experience a QL...

There are five share-holders of the West Whitman Estate, but just four associated pairs.

1. Cody and Jacqueline
2. Phil and Abigail
3. Tommy and Tinky Winky
4. David and Alban

Nuf said.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Poison Clinics

Spring-like weather outside is bringing the House to life, or bringing things to life outside the House and they're sneaking in through the floorboards. Whatever the case, THERE ARE ANTS IN OUR HOUSE. Those blurry little black objects in the picture are none other than the elemental-acts-of-God themselves. (Anyone remember Leiningen versus the Ants from high school? Its a short story of a proud plantation owner defending his turf from a blood-thirsty colony of migrant ants.) Although there are several differences between Leiningen's situation and ours, three things are unchanged: ants inherent desire to infiltrate and destroy, man's inherent desire to fight, and ... actually, two parallels was a stretch, three would be silly.

Our first line of defense: ant baits. When these weapons first arrived Jacque referred to them as "little ant houses," Cody called them "poison clinics." Both names have some truth. The term "ant house" is misleading; the baits are like ant houses in the sense that they're structures made specially for ants, but unlike a house, these units are not designed for ants to live in them. The term "poison clinics" is a bit cruel; they're kind of like poison clinics in the sense that they are full of poison, but 'clinic' sounds so Hitler – opposed to the Treaties of Versailles somehow.

Exterminating one of God's creatures might be difficult for some people to agree with regardless of the method or mode. Please don't misunderstand, I've watched the Discovery Channel as much as any Adventist kid growing up; and I've seen Dream Work's real-life documentary Antz. I would be woefully amiss if I didn't say ants have hopes and dreams like every other insect, including us. But when someone comes into your house uninvited and starts carrying off the crumbs from your kitchen counter to their queen and all her sons, lethal force is the only solution.