Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Birds of a Feather

"What kind of bird are you?" This question was posed to me by an upcoming film that i am very excited about. But seriously. Think about it. To decide will require imagination and attention to detail. The quest may bring up issues you thought you'd thrust deep into the pit of your soul. Start by asking yourself some tough questions.

1. What shape is your nose (beak)?
2. Are you migratory or stationary? (Emily... you are migratory)
3. Do you have a large wingspan?
4. Do you flutter or flap?
5. Do you eat other birds and small rodents, or seeds and bugs?

I have a few suggestions based on almost nothing and some gut instinct.

Cody - South American Hoatzin. It is considered one of the smelliest birds and makes loud noises for no apparent reason. It also enjoys Mac&Cheese.

Jacque - African Grey Parrot. The African Grey is said to be the perfect mix of brains and beauty. They are extremely gifted when it comes to language. Some have even been known to write prose.

Emily - Common Tern. These birds are fiercely migratory and enjoy thrift stores.

Jessi - Snowy Owl. This owl survives harsh arctic winters by layering with tights and Smartwool socks. Further south, they are known to nest near Trader Joe's.

Chelsea - Horned Sungem. This Hummingbird can beat its wings up and down 90 times per second. It has a very fast metabolism which means that it requires frequent small snacks, consisting mostly of Taco Bell and fishy crackers.

Alban - Hawaiian Honeycreeper. These beautiful birds attract mates with songs that feature nasal squeaks and whistles. They are extremely rare. And major creepers.

Phil - Ostrich. An ostrich at the London Zoo was found to have eaten an alarm clock, a roll of film, and a bicycle tire valve. Phil happens to enjoy photography, cycling, and waking up in the morning. Also, all of these things make more sense than eating fish sauce.

Tommy - Wandering Albatross. This bird has one of the largest wingspans of all birds. It spends most of its life in flight, landing only to feed and mate. Just like Tommy.


  1. Replies
    1. I approve of this response. So "on point," as a law student might say.

  2. I love owls...oh wait...that be a narcissistic comment I guess.

    1. A healthy love of self is a good thing.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. There's a vicious rumor going around about my towels. It's perpetrated by Jacqueline and the situation is more nuanced than she let's on.

  5. You are such a birder, David! Haha this is really funny.

    P.S. Birds migrate for many reasons...in search of food--legit reason, but then also, the wind and weather have a lot to do with it....things fairly out of the birds control.

    1. That's true. I never said being migratory was a bad thing. It's a big part of life.

  6. Can I be a bird, too? I would like some migratory bird characteristics.

  7. On point David, just call me Wilbur: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqN9jOz6RQg